Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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