Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just blew my weed a kiss
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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