last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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