Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
