Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
