need another drink. this is the easiest way
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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