You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
