My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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