i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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