Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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