Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
