Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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