So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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