ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
