Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
