I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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