Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
