oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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