"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
