Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
