i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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