he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
