WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
