I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
