i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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