How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
two words: eviction party
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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