I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
