Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
