I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
