Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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