the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
