can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
