Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
