The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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