it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.