This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
North Korea, Best Korea!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
