Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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