There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
