I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
