I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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