he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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