that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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