those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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