You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
