ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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