Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
tell me about the eggs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
