My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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