who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
