My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
