When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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