i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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