I just pynch a tree in the face
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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