and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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