You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
