Kiss
Puke
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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