I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
