wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
