Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
