I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
