loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
someone owes me an orgasm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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