Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize