The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
