I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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