An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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