Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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