I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
