Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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