he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
