Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
