But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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