he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
