all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
