I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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