You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
